I got a bad desire

[icyfingerwaves]

It really sucks when you want physical affection and there's no one to give you any. Or at least no one you're interested in. I thought maybe Tim. Or this new guy, Lowell. I'm really not sure what to make of Tim. The last time we met (months ago now), he couldn't have made his disinterest in me clearer. Yet he keeps messaging me like that. But...nothing. Does he just enjoy having someone lust after him? I suspect that's probably the case. It's annoying and disheartening. My self-image took a huge hit over the past year and only now is some semblance of it starting to peek out again. This kind of shit doesn't help.

There are a few guys in my life right now who I'd like to explore more-than-friendly relations with, but I just can't bring myself to pull that trigger. If, heaven forbid, they all said no and recoiled in horror, it would take months to recover. I'm just not ready to put myself on the line like that again.